Oversharing, or being honest?

“I’ve found that if I say what I’m really thinking and feeling, people are more likely to say what they really think and feel.  The conversation becomes a real conversation.”

-Carol Gilligan

Over-sharing, or being honest?

Many times, I have found myself scared of being an over-sharer.  I do not feel comfortable in every social situation, or with every person, but once I am comfortable I share a lot about myself.  I know that I am an introvert, which means that I get my energy by spending time alone, compared to extrovert who get their energy from being in social situations.

Learn more about these  personality types here, or take a test to see what you are here.

I don’t feel the need to tell everyone about myself, but when I do it feels like I open a tap and can’t stop when I am with someone that I feel comfortable around.  Unfortunately, I feel like I can overwhelm those around me once I start sharing.  I think I am good at listening, so it is not that I am talking incessantly, but I could talk for hours when I am with someone that I like.

Also, I find that my filter disappears when I am comfortable around someone.  I do not mind sharing intimate details about my personal life or experiences that I have had.  I think that it is important to talk about experiences, even just to get things off your chest.  Doing this helps to process your experiences and the feelings associated, and creates an opportunity for another person to give some input and share their similar experiences.  I know that there have been times when I have said too much, or it seems like I have and then I feel guilty.  I feel guilty because I tend to enjoy being stoic and talk less about myself, therefore it feels like I am breaking a rule.  I know this is in my head, and rules that I have made that may not reflect how I actually am in life.

People need people.  We need to talk to others and feel connected.  It is unfortunate that people shut themselves off from others, and that being stoic is valued.  We need to feel supported and to support others.  The take away here is that sharing is not bad, but make sure that you are supporting those around you as well.  Listen.  Actively listen.



The guilt of doing nothing…

I really enjoy downtime, taking it easy, having a chill day, whatever you call it.  I find it ridiculous that people need to give themselves permission to take some time off.  I always wonder if people think I am lazy, even though I am not.  I get a lot of stuff done, but I always give myself time to do what I want.

When I was still in school, (university), some girls and I were discussing reading, and I mentioned that I read 60 books last year.  They were flabbergasted by that number, which I admit is a lot of books.  To be fair, some of them were short novellas, i.e. R.L. Stine from the 90’s.  Anyways, the girls commented that they didn’t have time to read, which really annoyed me.  It always annoys me when people say they don’t have time to read.  I make time.  All of these girls were going out every weekend, and were trying to make it seem that they were excellent students that when they are not studying are working very hard at a full time job, which is not true.  They were always late handing in assignments or did them the night before, and were spending all of their weekends working at a part time job, (maybe 15 hours a week?), and then go out to drink.  I didn’t do that.  I did that in my 20’s, but now that I am in my 30’s I do not drink as much, or plan to drink.  I think it is fine to go out and have fun, but understand that you are spending time doing it, and this is time that you could be spending in a different way!

I think it is important to understand how you spend your time, and realize that there is so many hours that are wasted and could be used differently.  Everyone has the same amount of hours in the day.  Some people may not have as much going on in these days, but these are all choices that people have made!  It is not fair to judge others and how they spend their time.

Although I don’t particularly agree with this concept it seems that people need it, give yourself permission to enjoy your time.  Do what you want, and be cognizant of how you spend your time.  If you choose to watch Netflix every night then you can’t say that you do not have time to read!  Maybe it is time to switch up how you spend your time.  Put down the phone, go for a walk.  Cook a nice meal.  Take a bath or shower.  Put on a face mask, paint your nails.  Read a damn book!

I wish that life should be not be cheap, but sacred.  I wish the days to be as centuries, loaded, fragrant.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Fill your days with what you love.  Do what you want, and f’ anyone who tries to make you feel guilty.  And remember, they choose how to spend their time.


My rules

I need to take better care of myself.
I need to stop trying to make other people happy; I am not in charge of other’s happiness.
Focus should be put on myself. Focus on my happiness and the ways to achieve it.
Stop trying so damn hard. Just let it be.
Stop doing things to make others happy. Do those things because they make you happy.
Dress and wear makeup for you. If others do not accept you just the way you are they can go to hell.
Take time for you. If others think this is selfish, once again, they can go to hell.
You have this life. You have made it your own by making comprises and decisions. If others do not like those decisions then they can make the opposite ones in their life. You are not living for others, but for yourself.

**I came up with these rules to help me keep my focus.